Gee, Wally, I don’t think we oughta.
In 1960, an episode of the sitcom "Leave it to Beaver" aired in which Beaver meets a new student named Kenneth who showers him with gifts hoping to buy his friendship. His teacher, Miss Landers, learns that items are disappearing from student lockers, including a baseball glove, a lunch box, and a cap. June finds the items hidden under the Beav’s bed, leading her and Ward to suspect he’s a thief. Oblivious to the thievery, Beaver explains that Kenneth gave him the items as gifts. For his part, Kenneth denies the charge, forcing Beaver to prove his innocence.
Four years later, the Beatles wrote a chart-topping hit that included the lyrics:
“I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright.
I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright.
'Cause I don't care too much for money, but money can't buy me love.”
Not much has changed in the decades since Beaver had to prove his innocence and the Beatles’ love couldn’t be bought.
It’s a tale as old as time: a spoiled, entitled brat, affluent in upbringing and unbearable in temperament heaps on gifts as a means by which to gain loyalty, admiration, and friendship.
Most of us probably encountered a “Kenneth” in our childhood.
And recently, in adulthood.
Over the last couple of years, the 47th President of the United States has attempted to curry favor, particularly with voters, by making lavish promises of financial “gifts.”
Since he returned to office, President Trump has proposed cash payments to Americans several times:
In February 2025 and as recently as October 4th, he floated a $5,000 "DOGE Dividend." The figure was based on DOGE architect Elon Musk's promise of $2 trillion in government savings, which never materialized. In fact, analysts estimate DOGE ended up costing taxpayers $135 billion dollars and led to an IRS revenue loss predicted to be over $500 billion dollars.
In a November 2025 social media post, Trump said his administration would issue "everyone" except "high-income people" a $2,000 tariff rebate check. In fact, tariffs have wreaked havoc, costing American consumers an average of $1700 and caused the price of imported goods to skyrocket, subsequently leading the United States to the brink of economic recession.
In January 2026, Trump announced that he would give Americans money for healthcare. Though he has claimed for more than a decade that he has a plan to replace Obamacare, nothing has come to fruition, and healthcare premiums are skyrocketing. In September, Trump announced $500 rebate checks to individuals who were "wrongly overcharged" through the Affordable Care Act.
Also in September, the President pledged to issue $5,000 "Trump Dividends" contingent on a Republican victory in the midterm elections. Par for the course, he did not provide any details on how the government would fund the bribe, which would cost an estimated $1.3 trillion dollars.
For a man who claims to loathe it, Trump’s proposed checks certainly bear the hallmarks of socialism.
If we take the President at his word, most of us are on track to receive $12,500 in “dividends” and “rebates.”
Yet the vast majority of us will never see a dime.
In the meantime, in a move straight from the communist playbook, taxpayers are footing the bill for a series of television commercials created in the latest desperate attempt to satisfy the President’s insatiable ego which knows neither boundaries nor shame. Among the ads is one entitled, “God created Trump.”
Personally, I think God lit a bag of orange dog turds on fire, left it on America’s doorstep, rang the bell, and ran away. Though I doubt my tax dollars will go toward funding a commercial with that plotline.
In the months leading up to the 2024 election, psychologists John Gartner and Harry Segal hosted a podcast called "Shrinking Trump." The episodes consisted of mental health experts watching videos of Trump and breaking down his psyche, behavior, speech patterns, signs of cognitive decline, evidence of sociopathic tendencies, and malignant narcissism.
It doesn’t take a shrink to figure out that as a child, Donald Trump was probably “Kenneth,” that little boy who bought his friends.
In the many years since, it seems very little has changed.
Based on his extensive track record beginning way back when he claimed Mexico was going to pay for a wall, it’s safe to say Mr. Trump is both desperate for admiration and entirely full of crap.
Should voters believe any of the spoiled man-child-in-chief’s pathetic attempts to buy our love?
Gee, Wally, I don’t think we oughta.
